I wish I had found this sub years ago. Reading through these posts is really eye-opening and I see so many similarities to my own marriage.
Long post ahead.
I married at 18 for all the wrong reasons. She was 21. We were high school sweethearts. We were in love, but, in retrospect, neither of us were ready to get married. I kind of knew it at the time, but I went against my gut and did it anyway. We were married for 19 years. No kids.
There were so many red flags over the years, but, in my eyes, none of them were worth ending the marriage.
I never cheated. To my knowledge, neither did she. It just became a never-ending cycle of her treating me like a man-child which got progressively worse over the years. I even have a text message thread from several months ago where she claimed I wanted her to be "my mommy" (this couldn't be further from what I wanted) and that's why she treated me like this.
She pushed me (not in a good way, but I'm glad she did) to advance my professional career. Any job I had was never good enough for her, and I never made enough money for her. Red flag. However, this caused me to rapidly climb the corporate ladder in my 20s. At 29 I was able to quit my FT 6-figure job and start my own business, doubling, then tripling, then quadrupling my income over the next couple of years. Certainly no regrets here.
We have also been able to buy several houses, become landlords for 6 years, and pretty much live where we wanted.
But she resented me for it. I was required to be at the office *a lot* and she hated that I wasn't home until 9 pm on any given weekday. Our last house was a solid 2-3 hour drive (depending on traffic) from the city center. So I often had to leave the house by 6:30 am and wasn't back until late in the evening. Yeah, she was lonely. She wanted me to watch TV with her every night (I became very disinterested in TV anyway) which just wasn't possible. I could have kept a somewhat cushy corporate job that wasn't demanding in terms of hours, making much less money, but that wasn't good enough for her.
Rewind back to 2001. I put her through college and sacrificed my own college education for her. I worked 2 jobs, 7 days a week, for years to support us when I was 18-21. We were living in a crappy apartment and barely making ends meet. But she was going to make something of herself, then I was going to go to college and do the same. Like you are supposed to do. I tried to go to college while working 2 jobs for 60-70 hours per week, but it was way too much. My grades made it unable for me to advance, so I dropped out.
She graduated in 2004... then never really tried to get a decent job. The 'best' job she ever had was a retail store manager for a small store (making like $15/hr) and she hated it. She was perfectly capable of making 6-figures at a corporate job, but she never even made an attempt. She hopped between entry-level and minimum wage jobs, never spending more than a couple of months at any of them. Don't take this to mean I ever really cared about how much money she made. What I cared about was the effort she put into being a responsible adult. We were still having trouble making ends meet.
In 2006 (married for 5 years) I got my first big pay jump when I switched companies. I increased my income by 70% overnight and I was starting to see light at the end of the work-till-you-die tunnel. It was finally going to be good with my new income and hers, right? Wrong.
A couple of months into my new job she brought up the idea of her quitting her job to be a 'full-time homemaker'. Remember, we didn't have kids and didn't want any, and she is the one with the degree and the college debt we would be paying down for the next 15 years.
It started as an idea, then over a couple of weeks, it turned into her begging me to let her quit her job for good. I resisted, explaining to her that it made no financial sense. Besides, how was she going to keep herself occupied throughout the day? Laundry only needed to be done once a week, dishes only take a few minutes a day.
So, against my wishes, she quit working for good and never looked back. She did take to cooking more, but she basically sat at home and watched TV.
This went on for years. She knew I was against it. Without her income, we were in a worse financial situation than before I got my new job. But, (her words) because I was the man, "I was supposed to support the family"
She was bored all the time. The free time gave her much more time to find things to get upset about and dwell on. For example, she would start a big fight if I left a single bowl in the sink for *me* to wash later. Or if I used the stove or microwave and she found a single spec of splattered food. Or if I turned a perfectly functional knob on the washing machine to wash my own laundry. She would absolutely blow up -- "I did [insert thing here] on purpose so I could get out of doing [the thing] in the future." Thank god we had our own bathrooms. She resented me for these things and I had no chance for retribution.
She did do most of the housework for a few years, but I always did 100% of the yardwork. And almost 5 years ago we bought and lived on a farm -- got several dozen animals from horses to sheep to donkeys to ducks and geese. Just like in her professional 'career', she helped take care of them for a little while. Until she decided it was too much work. Then I was the one left by myself rounding up the animals, fixing broken fence, thawing out frozen water pipes, etc at 2 am on a weeknight when I had an 8 am meeting the next morning.
As you would expect, the sex decreased significantly over the years. It was good when we were in our teens and early 20s. But she became less and less interested over the years. It went from several times per week, to several times per month, to every few months, to... almost never. She wanted sex to be very mundane. She didn't like it when I went down on her. She absolutely refused to go down on me, and never did. She didn't like it when I tried to use my hand to please her. She didn't like foreplay. She never wanted to do anything other than missionary. We talked about how to spice up our sex life for years. I brought all sorts of ideas from the table from roleplaying to toys to things on the kinkier side, but she never actually wanted to do anything about it. I had also been struggling with PE throughout my later 20s which made the situation worse. And the PE was "my fault" and "I needed to do something about it". I did see a urologist who diagnosed me as perfectly normal and sent me on my way. He suggested both of us see a sex therapist together, which she was not ok with -- because this was "my problem".
Until we separated and I put myself out there, I hadn't had sex in about 4 years.
Fast forward to 2018. I was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer -- like fewer than 100 cases per year in the entire country. The physician knew very little about it -- the hospital hadn't seen a case of it in over 5 years -- and referred me to a specialist in a city a few hours away. It was a few months before I knew anything definitive or could get it treated.
When I told my ex about the diagnosis, she preceded to inform me how I don't "have cancer" (but I did) and made it clear it was my own problem. I had an all-day surgery with the specialist to remove it -- I told her it was going to be an all-day surgery in advance. A couple-hour drive each way. Did she offer to drive me there or support me in any way? Nope. I got to drive myself there and back. Did she help me clean the huge surgical wound (it was like 10 inches in diameter) I had for the next 3 months? I even asked for her help cleaning and dressing it. She refused. So I had to figure out how to do it by myself. Did she express the slightest interest in talking to the specialist about it to get her own answers and put her mind at ease? Nope. She already knew better.
This when it became painfully obvious she didn't care about me at all.
And I still financially supported her 100%. At this point, she hadn't had a job for over 10 years and spent most of any given day watching TV.
In 2017 she started an Etsy sewing shop -- which didn't take much of her time, but it gave her something to do. We were vendors at lots of local festivals together when those were still a thing. We were doing this almost every weekend from April through December. She didn't have more than 200 orders per year until 2020. When the lockdowns and mask shortages started in March she started sewing cloth masks. She did really well for a couple of months, doing 50-100 orders per day. I told her I was proud of her. I also tried to help her when she was having trouble keeping up.
I spent a whole day helping her get caught up on orders. I can't sew, so I was helping her pack envelopes, print shipping labels, and iron decals onto the masks. She showed me how to do the iron-on transfers. It's so easy a 10-year-old could do it. I did a couple hundred of them that afternoon.
She came to inspect them before they got shipped out. And she blew-the-fuck-up. I did it *exactly* how she showed me and they looked great. But she could still see a crease in the fabric where it was folded. It was "my fault" and, as usual, I had done it "on purpose" so I could get out of helping in the future. Sound familiar?
I immediately stopped helping and left. I was done with her acting like a child. She is 40 years old and still acts like she is 12. Did she ever thank me for helping? No. Did she still ship the orders? Yep, so they weren't bad were they? Did she apologize for blowing up again? Nope.
And I forgot to mention -- we have been basically separated for the better part of 4 years. Sleeping in different rooms in the house. I've been living in an 'apartment' in the basement of my own house. She kicked me out of the bedroom when she was throwing a fit about a short business trip I was going on. I needed to "tell them I wasn't going". She threw all of my stuff down the stairs and that was the end of that. I wasn't allowed to use the stove that I paid for. If I had food in the microwave and she wanted to use it, she would throw away whatever I had in there. She would throw away my dishes if I wasn't watching; I found them in the trash all the time.
I spent the next several months thinking about all of this and much more. One thing I came to realize: in the 19 years we had been married I couldn't think of a single instance where she apologized for blowing up about something meaningless or admitted she was wrong. Not a single one. I even challenged her about it. Could she think of a single time she did either one of those? She couldn't come up with one concrete example. BTW, I apologized thousands of times. I never once blew up about anything in our entire relationship -- that's not the kind of person I am -- but I have apologized for things I said that made her feel bad and admitted I was wrong many, many times. At her insistence, I even admitted to doing lots of meaningless things that I didn't actually do just to put a fight to bed and keep the relationship in-tact. There is no point in fighting over BS.
2020 also brought on a lot of financial stress. At the beginning of the year, I had signed contracts that would make this the biggest year since I started the business. Clients were in sports, restaurants, casinos, and live entertainment. I lost all of them, and most of them are unlikely to survive 2021 without a bankruptcy. I laid off my entire staff. Our income took a nosedive. We burnt through most of our savings because she couldn't control her spending habits, and she had zero interest in financially contributing to the household.
This was the straw that broke the camel's back. She made it abundantly clear she didn't care about me, and, at the same time, she expected me to financially support her do-whatever-she-wants consequences-be-damned lifestyle.
I prepared the divorce papers and presented them to her on a whim when she was blowing up about dishes in the sink or something like that. I just couldn't deal with it anymore.
I don't know why she acted surprised. She had told me she wanted a divorce plenty of times in recent years, and a couple of times in 2020. But she never had the balls to do it.
This was something I had been thinking about for a few years, but I was likely to be on the hook for $10k/month in alimony for the rest of my life if it weren't for COVID. We live in a midwest state with divorce case-law which strongly favors women, and I have lots of male friends/colleagues who got screwed royally in a divorce -- even if their spouse cheated. So it was kind of the perfect storm. Depleted savings and drastically reduced income meant there was nothing for the court to grant. All we really had left was retirement savings and home equity. The house sale is closing in 10 days and we already liquidated the 401k, which she used to buy her own house. That was everything.
Sorry for the long post, but I needed to rant to some strangers on the internet. There is obviously much more to tell over 19 years of marriage, but I'll leave it here for the sake of brevity.
This post may sound very one-sided, but I really tried to keep it together. I tried to be a good husband. To give my wife what she wanted. To be there for her when she needed me. To make her happy, at the expense of my own happiness. Happy wife, happy life, right?
As I put in the title, the court granted dissolution yesterday. It was very easy. No attorneys, we didn't fight about any remaining property. We each own our own vehicles free and clear and had no interest in the other's. She stole a few thousand more dollars from our joint account and sold some valuable things without my permission, but it wasn't worth fighting over. I just let it go.
I'm finally free and I feel better than I have in years.
Ask me anything.
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submitted by I have had a series of very vivid dreams about "my" daughter's death over the course of about 5 years. I'm 32, so they started in my late 20s.
Some backstory: I have ALWAYS had an irrational fear of drowning in a confined space. It is my only phobia. You may not notice it if you don't share my phobia, but a LOT of popular media contains this trope. Characters stuck in a submarine or ship that's slowly filling with water, etc. Sometimes a scene like his will materialize out of nowhere in a movie where I was not expecting it, like Casino Royale or San Andreas. There was recently a film called The Old Guard with Charlize Theron where one of the characters, who is physically immortal, is thrown into the ocean in an iron cage. Once she hits the ocean floor, she drowns, briefly dies, then wakes up again, inhaling water, drowning, dying, etc in an infinite loop for eternity. The idea of this was SO upsetting to me that I started crying, and it's just a stupid popcorn flick.
Anyway, I have no experiences with nearly drowning in my current life at all. In fact, I love being in the water and swimming, and have even gone scuba diving on several different occasions. I would just never go cave diving, or go on a submarine (not that I can imagine a situation where I'd have the opportunity to).
Anyway, all of that is to say that in my dreams, I'm a man in his late 30s (I'm a woman right now), who is an American homesteader. Kind of down-and-out, but I don't really know it. My life is very hard, but I take everything in stride because I have very little else to compare it to. I have a farm, or a ranch, or something. It's not on the East Coast--it feels like the frontier, like I'm trying to build a life for myself out of nothing but my own blood and sweat. It's hard to describe the mental state that this past life me is in--it's just completely different from my current life of luxury and modern conveniences. I perceive danger and death totally differently--they are simply part of my life and I am used to loss and hardship, but I am not depressed or unhappy.
The moment in the dream that sticks with me, is that my homestead is flooding due to an overfull river nearby. I have ascertained information about the flooding somehow in advance, maybe from other farmers, or maybe just from knowing the weather patterns. There has been a MASSIVE storm, washing out my property, but in the aftermath pretty much everything is okay, except for the fact that my best horse is outside of her pasture, in the river, stuck in the water up to almost her neck. I have a teenage daughter, she is about 13 years old. She is my only family. I don't have a wife, and I don't have any other children. She is a strong and capable farmhand and my partner managing my homestead. She wears pants and shirts, not skirts or dresses. She has light brown hair and a dirty face. I love her, but am not physically affectionate toward her. The work of running our ranch is all-consuming and it's all we talk or think about. We are standing on a fence with water all around us, trying to hatch a plan to lasso this horse and bring it back to the farm. Words cannot describe how important this is to me. I need this horse to come back--it is one of my most valuable belongings and if it dies or washes away I will not be able to recover financially.
My daughter makes several unsuccessful attempts to lasso the horse, who is shying and may lose its foothold in the riverbed at any second. She curses, then dives off the fence, into the river water, and swims capably over to the horse, who is getting more and more nervous. She is able to attach the lasso to its neck, but gets caught in the current, and is swept behind the horse, who promptly kicks her in the head and she goes under the water. I see that there is tension on the rope implying that it is tied around her wrist or something, and the current is pushing her under like a fish caught on a fishing line. I watch in dismay as the horse panics, loses its foothold, and both my daughter and the horse are swept away. The crazy thing is that, despite how big of a life event this is, I am still thinking about money and the future as my own daughter is dying before my eyes.
I have had this dream 8-10 times in the past 5 years.
submitted by Hello everyone ! First post here - I don't know where to post this, so I hope it will be welcomed here.
So I heard about the possibility for a "Battle Royal" themed on R.E. and the few of reactions I witnessed about it were pretty negative - and I could agree as R.E. isn't well known for its PvP content... But I think I have an idea for something that people could enjoy - with originality, re-playability, difficulty and keeping a game close to events happening in the R.E. universe (based on the last "remake" version of the games).
So, let me start: - date & place : 2X september 1998 ; Racoon City - Casino-Hotel Yes, "again Racoon City"; but this time you won't live the last days of the event, but one of the hot-spot at the begining of the outbreak. Umbrella, to test the virus on a bigger scale, tried different methods to spread it in the City. One of them was to infect a good number of patient within the City to release them all at once. The Casino-Hotel, was selected. Opening a good number of events, the building-complex is currently hosting hundreds of people.
The Casino-Hotel: An impressive complex, with several floors of apartments, a great looking casino, a party-room (which is today for a wedding) and an opera-theater. There is also a specific floor for the security & direction of the Hotel; an underground facility & hidden corridors for the maintenance.
- players : 2 to 20-ish? Each player wil incarne a random NPC - like this, no one is supposed to recognize who is a player or not at first glance. Everyone start in their appartment (1 playeroom); equiped with a combat-knife (no durability), on ordinary map of the hotel (no indication of back-doors, restricted areas). But there is still some customisation possible: the dressing allows you to change your clothings to hide better on some areas (tuxedo; tourist outfit; ...).
- objectives : (1) survive the event (duh) - (2) escape by completing one of the multiple-routes. Once the game start, the phone in your room will ring : if you are new / beginer or want informations as a reminder, you will use it. The HUD will show you 3 main faction-quests - you can choose to "select" one (the quest will remain apparent on your HUD) or not. But here's the twist : accepted or not - you can choose to stick with this faction, or to betray it!
The factions: (1) Umbrella's agency - find the spreading devices (2-3 existing on the map); select a way to use it (different possibilities as water-tanks (infect apartments & lodges) & fire sprinkler systems (infect a specific room)); once you get a critical number of infected : rendez-vous at the rooftop for extraction by helicopter (2) RCPD - find clues of Umbrella's terrorist activity; try to catch the devices or to sabotage Umbrella's agents; as the virus will spread anyway (slowly or quickly depending on players' actions) : call the RCPD to quarantine the buildings & for extraction (a timer will be set and you need to defend the exit that some Players will try to open. (3) Mercenaries - your objectives are to get a sample of the virus, steal Umbrella's document and use all the chaos made to exit (the underground should be the best bet) - working alone or in group, you are without any assistances from the outside.
Remember: whether you succeed or not at your quests, the Casino-Hotel will fall to the virus.
Gameplay: If people didn't formed a squad before the game, you start as a lone-wolf without any indication if your neighbor is a player, or not, and what could be its faction/intentions. Some areas are overcrowded (and with a type of outfit; wedding-hall = tuxedo), for you to hide, infect. In the first part of the game: all players want to get to restricted areas; and you decide your strategy : open-violence, taking a Casino's security outfit, stealing a key or simply following an other Player doing the dirty work for you. If you succeed to sneak behind someone, you could have a special 1vs1 melee interaction : during the animation, you will have to smash some buttons to execute the performance. But if you are on the defensive position, it isn't an insta-kill as you will have yourself an interaction to resist. Sadly for both of the player struggling : the animation could be stopped by a third-party, killing one or both. => this sneak-attack will then play a lot in the first stage of the game, but could also create epic moments. For the gun-gameplay: not much to say. All Casino's security is equiped with stun-gun, or 9mm pistol; some rare Hotel's clients could also have a weapon on them / or apartment; the security-floor is also well-equiped and a secret cache in the underground could provide Hunk's style of equipment.
Add to that: you should have the ability to barricade doors; sabotage elevators to stop the Players & Zombies, but it would only slow things down (for them to get in, or you to get out...).
End result: who win? First - the ones who survived ; then you get a result for each Faction's accomplishments: if you're route is linked to the ranked #1 one, you get a bonus in your Total Score.
My guess on the Time per Mission : between 20min to 40min?
Rewards: you should be able to buy with your scores, additionnal clothes, custom appearances for your weapons
--------------------
tl;dr : a 3rd person-shooter, on a big Hotel-Casino map; playing like a spy-game at first, you end-up fighting for your survival while innocents are trapped and become part of a zombie-crowd. Help, make alliance, or use & betray other players to get a better score.
Hope you had a good read at my engrish and that you like my idea/concept.
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